2010: Just Say No

You know, the real world has a harsh way of letting you know you are there. Somedays it slaps you in the face with bills you don't know how you are going to pay, a schedule so crammed you don't think you will survive and demands that make you just want to give up. This is where I am. I am in the REAL world. Let me share with you a little about my week. (Does the week start with Sunday or Monday?? I'll start with Monday.)

Monday-Worked 9-5. Rushed home to be dressed to leave for dinner with a college student by 6:30. Dalen was already gone to my parents and I didn't see him until about 9 p.m. and he was already deep asleep.

Tuesday-Worked 9-5. Rushed off to pick Dalen up from school, grabbed dinner, ate at home, changed into pajamas and was woken up three times in the night by crying Dalen.

Wednesday-Worked 9-8. Prepared Thanksgiving Dinner for clients at work. Left work at 8 and struggled to stay awake until Mario and Dalen made it home from church at about 8:45. Changed Dalen into pajamas and let him fall asleep with me just so I could feel like I had, had time with him.

Thursday- Woke up an hour and 10 minutes early to spend time with Dalen and get him ready for school pictures. Will work 9-5. Leave work right at 5 pick Dalen up, grab dinner and be to the church for college service. Attend service, go home, get in pajamas and go to bed.

Friday- Will work 9-5. Leave work, go home, change clothes, meet family to eat for my sister's birthday (which was on the 11th).

Saturday-Wake up at 8. Get dressed for book club meeting. Attend book club. Go to Chattanooga and get fitted for a bridesmaid dress, shop for a white shirt for family Christmas pics on Sunday and hang out with our worship leader who is soon moving.

Sunday-Attend church, go to my parents house, eat lunch, get family pics made with them and HOPEFULLY then take a nap!

AH! Thats exhausting just typing all that! I'm to that point where I feel like I share every part of me with everyone and everything! I have been asking myself over and over how will there ever be enough to go around, especially with Baby #2 soon coming! I try my best to not be selfish. It is by far one of the most unappealing qualities I feel any person could possess but I have to admit I'm so tired of sharing! Somedays I feel I am sharing things that aren't even there and it leaves me drained!

I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, minister, aunt, employee and after sharing me with all of these roles and people there is just nothing left. This morning while getting dressed I asked myself again, "How long can I keep sharing so much of me that is just barely there?" This time it was different. I felt an answer, heard something so liberating come from the deepest part of my being. This is what I heard, "You will learn to say no."

Wow. After reflecting on this profound revelation I realized I am not so good at using that word anymore. So in 2010, I will be saying, "No". Nicely, but quite frequently. There are a few things that will be MY things. I will not feel obligated to share these things with ANYONE. It will take me a while but I will get used to it and soon enough it will be normal!

Today I have been thinking a lot about what I am absolutely obligated to do. By obligated I mean things that I absolutely have no choice but to do. What are the things that would cause my family or myself to fall apart? Wow! When you really think about it the list seems to gradually decrease! It was as though I began weeding out old clothes from my dusty closet that were worn, unflattering and no longer fit. You know, just because you USED to do something doesn't mean you have to hang on to that role forever! Roles change with time and it's time for me to move on from somethings.

I will hang on to friendships that are not taxing.
I will let go of people who place unreasonable demands on me.

I will attend church on weeknights.
I will say no to activities that occur on weeknights if my family can't come with me and if I don't feel like going.

I will never schedule anything on Parent's Night Out.
I will spend every Parent's Night Out with my husband and solely my husband.

I will not feel obligated to share my personal devotional time with others.
I will hide the words of God in my heart and speak these private promises only when I feel spirit led to do so.

I will not return calls or pick up calls when it isn't convienant.
I will only call friends when Dalen isn't around. It just isn't fair to the person on the other end.

I am sure there will be so many more things I will have to do and not do the more I think. I want to be the best person I can be and when you are constantly running on E it's hard to give the best or get the best...the best just ends up getting you!