The ultimate trainer

Before you have children you never think of having to train an individual to go to bed and STAY there or sit in a chair, the right way. You probably don't think of having to teach your children that this is MY space while that over there is YOURS. Parenting has thrown me for some loops.

I didn't do so well at teaching my son boundaries and to play independently but I am doing a great job with C. I know there are many controversial arguments (which I don't understand) about blanket training but I started this with Cola the other day and it's working beautifully. I use it a couple times a day when I am working on laundry (she loves to unfold what I've JUST folded) or cooking in the kitchen with a hot stove (to prevent injury) or when I need some personal space.

I can't even count how many times I've sat at a table with other mothers and we all complain about how we haven't even showered in the bathroom alone in a month or used the restroom without an audience or how we can't even breath without a child right in our face. The longer I am a parent I realize those conversations reveal a lot about myself, others and the quality of control we have in our homes. The fact your kids are staring while you are peeing has nothing to do with them and everything to do with the lack of control you have over the situation.

I have learned this the hard way. Going to the restroom in private is not a privilege it is a RIGHT that I am now exercising every time I have to go. My children are not allowed in the restroom with me and blanket training has helped with this too. When my son is at school I leave Cola on the blanket with a few toys and tell her not to move. This assures me while I am in the bathroom for a few minutes she is with safe toys that will entertain her and that she knows her boundaries do not go beyond the borders of the blanket. This assures me she won't get into anything dangerous or get hurt.

Blanket training is such a great way to establish independence and boundaries and self-control. I use a pretty big blanket so my child will in no way see it as a form of punishment. The big blanket gives her plenty of space to play freely yet also have clear boundaries. Every child needs to learn independence and its tough. Of course some days there are tears and but for the most part my daughter does great at sitting and playing. And of course I get a lot done.

I have learned quickly that every time she has to spend some moments on the blanket I need to make sure and give her tons of praise and follow up the blanket time with face to face interaction. I can totally see this method backfiring if abused. You also to start with a few minutes and work your way up to a nice period of time that's age appropriate. For example I know better than to expect my 18 month old to sit for an hour but 15-20 minutes is totally doable.

Another area I now have complete control over is where my kids sleep. Cola was climbing out of her crib all night, every night. Now that she has a little toddler bed, if she gets out of it even if its 30 times a night (she's been close!) I take her straight back to her bed and say bedtime very sternly and leave. If she keeps getting up I take her right back. We are starting to see results with this too. Do I feel like getting up at 3 am to do this up a flight of stairs 20 times a night?? Absolutely not but I also don't feel like getting kicked a million times a night and thrown out of my OWN bed. Most of us parents aren't as helpless as we think we are just too lazy to show who is boss. And sometimes that means you have to get up 20 times a night and take your child back to bed. When you don't you might as well blow the party party horn and toss the confetti in honor of the control your child has just taken. Needless to say, the only time this house is gonna be seeing confetti is during a birthday!

Quitters.

After enduring weeks of sleepless nights, due to our 18 month old climbing out of her crib every hour on the hour, we decided it was time to convert her crib into a little toddler bed. We knew it wouldn't solve the problem of her leaving her room countless times a night but we decided it would prevent possible injury.

We weren't surprised when she lasted only four minutes in her new big girl bed on the first night of sleeping in it. From about 8:30 p.m. to 11 we made about 12 trips upstairs to put her back where she belonged. For you that know me, 11 p.m. is (on most nights) passed my bedtime. Eventually, I drifted into a deep enough sleep to where she left her bed and staggered into ours and I didn't even feel it. No big deal, right?

I really hit me how many thoughts came into my mind to just leave her alone, let her come downstairs, who really cares. Eventually every child learns to sleep on their own and in their own space, right? Wrong! The root of the problem was wanting to quit - probably due to laziness and a little bit of fear of how my day would run without sleep the night before.

No one likes a quitter. Especially me! Sometimes we quit because of fear, other times because of laziness, many times because we are so insecure we think we can't finish. But persevering is an action I want a guilty sentence for. I love Hebrew 10:35-30. Basically, don't throw away your confidence, persevere and see God's promises come to pass. If you want to please God, don't shrink back!

Of course, this portion of scripture is talking about our walk of faith not putting your toddler to bed multiple times in a night but if we quit in the small things, we will quit in the big things.

My kids are watching-everything! I don't want them to watch a quitter. I want them to watch a woman of stamina, strength and endurance. So who wants to join my no quitting campaign?! Cheers to endurance and the finish line!

I Don't Know How She Does It

This week I went to see I Don't Know How She Does It. I had been waiting for it to come out and I was so not disappointed. This humorous, sneak peek into every mother's reality, was not only encouraging but uplifting. Encouraging because I am constantly reassured that I am not the only mother on the planet who has mental lists and can't sleep at night until I've rehearsed them a million times and uplifting because you see a powerful woman find balance and clarity in what really matters most in life.

I took off from home Thursday afternoon, left my kids with their dad and unashamedly pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them there the entire movie. I was comfy in my jeans, t-shirt and TOMS. My hair was pulled back and my face bare. I was the perfect date for me! While I was gone I got occasional updates from Mario-one picture of Cola wearing kitchen gloves, another text to say he had successfully made dinner and Dalen thought his pasta was better than mine and another assuring me Cola wasn't feeling 100 % but she was still sweet as ever.

I watched that movie and laughed at so many scenes I have found myself in and ached with the character, Kate, at many of the heartbreaks all of us mothers experience from time to time. I watched a smart, intelligent, woman balance two kids an amazing career and marriage. Throughout the movie different characters say, "I don't know how you do it!" And the truth is most of don't. The movie even refers to Kate as a juggler and most of us are just that. Except my juggling typically looks like a circus act gone bad!

Through every scene there is a dim, yet silver lining piecing this woman's story together. It is the faint revelation for us all that we are all so blessed to have wonderful husbands who not only support us and our dreams but come along side of us to watch them unfold. I don't work right now and honestly I can't imagine working with two kids, without family close by to help out but even though I don't work I have still found myself saying I don't know how I do it. I watched that movie and by the end I knew exactly how I do it. I knew exactly how my heart heals so quickly from let downs and failed attempts to discipline according to the building of the character of my kids. I was certain I knew how I go to bed every night assured it was worth it and tomorrow will be conquered with a greater force than we used on today. I do it the same way Kate did it, with my husband by my side.

You may not understand the way we do things, you may not even like the way we do things, but we get them done-TOGETHER. I am now more assured than ever that there was such a divine plan for my life when I said I do and I am so glad I did. So, while I may not know how you do it, I am proud to say I know EXACTLY how I do it.

Cheers, to my critics!

I really loved this quote in A Love That Multiplies that talks about critics:
"We can learn from our critics, either because what they're saying is true-or because of the way we respond when it isn't.
What a way to look at criticism! You can learn either way!

Lately, my mornings have been filled with my sweet girl nipping at my heels. Everywhere I go, she goes. She loves to be tickled, held and taught her body parts and songs with motions. I can hold her attention a lot long than I could with Dalen at her age. Some days it's amazing and others its quite demanding. But I am enjoying alone time with her four days out of my week.

This week feels like three in one! So much has happened! Dalen turned four, Cola is drinking from cups without lids, Mario brought down parts to her crib to convert it to a toddler bed and she's used the bathroom three times! Whew, what a week and it's only Thursday.

Fall is definitely in the air. We are waking up to chilly mornings in the mid 70s. It feels great. We often take Dalen to school and Mario to work with the windows down. This is Cola's favorite treat. She loves to stick a few fingers out the side of the cracked window. It's the small things...

THE Talk

I am beginning to notice as parents, Mario and I will have many "talks". Talks that share tragedy to our children, talks that pertain to sharpening of ones character, talks that encourage one to behave better, talks that answer difficult questions...our life is one dramatic conversation after another separated by BIG events or small convictions letting us know change must take place.

Today was Dalen's birthday, he turned 4. I am so proud of him! It was his wish to play outside, ride his bike, cookout and eat by the pool. We then came inside and minutes later it began to downpour so Dalen himself cut his cake. It was then something happened. Something really BIG and literally nauseating.

I realized in that moment our family needed a talk. My son was cutting his THIRD birthday cake. Yes, he has had three different celebrations with extended family, friends and tonight, our immediate family. I became literally nauseous. As a parent, overindulgence is just as bad as neglect because you are indeed neglecting things like balance.

But I am so proud of our family. In that moment, that nauseating moment, we got together, got down on our knees, got a trash bag and began to clean out the toys. We explained with new toys coming in, the old (if you can even call them that) ones need to go to other people who have nothing. As we explained to Dalen what was happening the tears rolled and a tantrum took place but we kept doing what was right. Doing what is right isn't always comfortable but it is just that, right, and at the end of the day I don't want to be stalked by the shadow of my dark and lurking conscience. I want to be joyful in knowing I am pure in heart and that I have enabled my children to give in some kind of way.

I have repented for the three parties. Of course, readers may think its silly to be ashamed or convicted of the fact that I feel awful for three parties and too many gifts to place in our house. I don't feel guilty for blessings I feel convicted for greed and overindulgence. It will not have place in my home.

This year is the best birthday yet. On the day America has created for kids to receive more than they need, my son learned to give.

I would also like to express a friend in need as well. I have a friend who is moving to Cambodia early next year. She has to raise money to go and she needs my help and YOURS. None of us can do everything but we can all do something! All of our "little bit" turns out to be a lot.

I am honored to call Abby my friend. What a courageous woman of character and empathy and compassion! She is leaving her family, friends, home and JOB to give. Help her change the lives of others! You can send your monetary gifts to:
PLC 4235 TL Rogers St NE Cleveland, TN 37312

Also, please make sure to include her name, Abby Fletcher, in the memo line.

FOUR!

Tomorrow Dalen turns four! Every time you hear a mom talk about her child's birthday you hear things like I can't believe he/she was born X years ago or my little boy/girl is growing up (with a tear in their eye). I really try not to grieve the aging of my kids. I am happy they are healthy and growing, learning and listening and going to school where Dalen loves being with other students.

Of course the older they get the less cute they are and more handsome they become and less innocent they are and more guilty you find them but I believe so much in the future of my kids that I get excited to see it getting closer. Of course, I will miss Dalen asking curious questions in his pure innocence or struggling to say certain words but I like moving forward not grieving the passing of yesterday.

We celebrated Dalen's b-day at Chuck E Cheese. Umm, someone remind me to never do that again on a Saturday afternoon! YIKES! There were times I just wasn't sure if we were at the zoo, juvenile detention center or circus! When I first arrived I looked around and saw several parents sitting at tables drinking beer and I thought why in the world would they serve beer at a children's play place?? Just spend two hours there....you will TOTALLY know why! Everytime the noise would surpass the level of believable I would look at one of the adults and say ANOTHER ROUND PLEASE! lol

Anyways, the kids had a blast, I wasn't responsible for any set up or clean up, the kids were well fed and entertained and they each got to take things home after exchanging their tickets for prizes. After a few kids tried to jump over the wall hiding Chuck E and begin punching him calling him stupid and big nose I was just about to phone Dr. Phil to psychoanalize the setting. I mean really?? Big nose? Stupid? Its a robotic rat! Give the machine a break!

I am proud to say Dalen and all of his party guests were terrific! They made me very proud! Happy Birthday Dalen!

The Life of Me

Where do I begin?? Cola is climbing out of her crib every hour of the night, Dalen is loving school, Mario is working harder than ever and I'm still horrible at cleaning and thanking God for easy crock pot recipes that my family actually enjoys.

We just finished a trip to Tennessee to see our family and friends. Dalen had his first "sleepover" with his cousin and grandmother (and sister, kind of) and I have to mention my (teacher) mother had the night complete with picture guessing games, glow in the dark masks, bubble baths, and I will never forget when she brought out the 1980s CD player, covered in dust from the garage and played songs off of a CD call 50 Silly Songs. Can I just sum it up and say I was wishing it was more like 5 Silly Songs?? hahahaha Dalen must have been thinking the same thing because after about 1 1/2 songs he said, "Mom Mom can you PUH-LEASE turn that off its making me CRAZY?!"

My college roommate had her baby while I was home. I always love when friends have babies! I got to see so many friends and share a lot of laughs, hopes and MEALS. It was a phenomenal trip. Not too long, not too short. I was able to squeeze everything and everyone in. The kids also enjoyed a trip to Chuck E Cheese and a pre-birthday party to celebrate Dalen's 4th birthday (which is on the 19th).

Today Dalen learned no one lives forever and informed us his friend at school had a grandparent to die. I found myself very thankful again my kids have grandparents, super involved ones and that I still have 3 out of the 4 of mine-WHAT A RARITY, WHAT A BLESSING!

I'll never forget one moment I exchanged with my grandmother this trip. She asked me if I was ready to go home to Mario and I said, "YES! I haven't seen him in 5 days!" In no more than what seemed like I second I had calculated it had been over a thousand since she's seen my grandfather. So sad, but oh, so true. My husband and I do life together, sometimes travel apart, share laughs, exchange tears and fight until we are laughing again and in that moment I let my mind go far enough to think of what life could be without him. I concluded I would have no life in me. Right now, I find myself living, breathing, waking up everyday to make his dreams possible, my kids content and myself fulfilled. If they weren't here what would I be without them? It was really for the most part unimaginable!

I am not sure why I didn't think of the fact that I was flying home on 9/11 but I had a GREAT friend remind me :) Thanks A! lol
I arrived at the airport to an eerily quiet gate. It was a somber experience and I felt the need to not let me children off too far. We boarded the plane and after discovering my daughter colored all over the airplane window but I just held her tightly with my right arm and my left around my son. I am not an emotional person and it bothers me when people re-grieve losses every anniversary but 9/11 was very real to me on that plane. My son straddled my lap and fell fast asleep on my chest and my daughter straddled my knees and slept on his back. I was drenched in sweat and contemplated asking for a refund for the seat my son never even used. :)

I find myself reflecting more, appreciating the greater things in life and pondering memories on a deeper scale because tomorrow it's the only tangible thing we will have left of today. And I am teary at this point of this blog because I never thought that I could have so little and I feel like I have so much-two great parents, a husband I would NEVER trade or wish away, the prettiest kids in the world, two rockstar sissies and loyal friends I love so much.

What is the life of you??

Wonderfully Awkward

Tonight we went to a surprise birthday party for another youth pastor in town Mario met when we first moved here. He and his wife have become friends of ours and the kids had a great time teaming up with their 3 kids and playing and eating like crazy!

But of course being at a party brings all different people who are not connected but come together for one person or celebratory event. You get people from all walks of life, singles, parents, newlyweds, grandparents...it's a melting pot for sure. I'm getting better at these scenes since I have been thrust into many this last year but it still doesn't take away those awkwardly moments that can't be avoided.

Like that awkward moment where a young woman, holding her oh-so-tiny newborn in a sling, tells you how well nursing is going and then you see her pile her plate high with pepper jack cheese and hot wings and think yeah that "well" is about to turn to HORRID! And you have that awkward moment do I inform her that's really going to upset her baby's tummy or do I just let it go in fear of a post pregnancy hormonal outburst that she indeed knows what she is doing??

Or what about that awkward moment where you are in a circle with three or four moms who begin telling their kids names who just happen to all be Biblical names and they start talking about how they prayed about the names they chose and then there is that awkward moment of silence and all heads turn to me for me, the pastor's wife, to confess my daughter's name is Cola and I picked it b-c I liked it, HA! You know when you watch movies and you hear the crickets in a very strange moment?? That really happens!

And of course where could we go with Dalen in tow where he doesn't punch, kick, or hold another kid hostage or break something?? Then there is always that awkward moment of offering to pay for the item praying you won't have to take out a loan to afford to replace it! I have to confess sometimes you just want to tell the other parent the endless whining of your child and never ending pestering deserved that punch right in the gut but of course I refrain and make my son "do the right thing" and apologize. KIDDING! (kind of)

I'm just being honest, I have a lot of under the breath moments where I mumble my thoughts under my breath to my husband and he gets totally annoyed and occasionally mortified that yes, he married the woman who is totally brave enough to walk off from someone who is nosey enough to ask how much we make. My favorite is when people we meet offer to babysit our kids or take our kids somewhere in the first five minutes of conversation I LOVE taking that small sip of water and holding the bottle JUST long enough in front of my mouth to shield a quiet "in your dreams".

Oh, the places we go and people we meet.

New Recipe Anxiety

I must confess I have made so many alterations to my diet and consumption of food in the last year I think I am not even aware of all I have done. My weight loss journey is something I was openly talking and blogging about because so many people would ask questions (how are you losing it? how much more do you need to lose? how much have you lost? what is your weight? what was your biggest weigh in?) but honestly I got so tired of people thinking they needed to advise me on my intake of food I stopped blogging and talking about it.

Of course when I would share my changes to my diet or how I maintained self-control others would so condemingly tell me some of the choices I was making were "obssessive" or unhealthy. Not trying to turn diet talk and lifestyle changes spiritual but the only way I can explain it is that people are constantly trying to invade my life with their PERSONAL convictions by defining them as sound doctrine. I'm sorry, but I'm just not interested. If you don't like that at one point I didn't keep two weeks of groceries in my house to avoid overeating keep your opinions to yourself. Just because you aren't comfortable with my choices doesn't mean the choice isn't right and beneficial for myself.

Anyways, with Dalen starting school I have now begun grocery shopping for a week at a time. I buy all his lunch items and dinner meals for the week typically on Saturday. I am pleased to say that I have done VERY well with not over eating and it's helped me select better items for Dalen's lunches as well. Anyone heard of Granola Thins? YUM! They are thin squares of granola and the back of then are coated in peanut butter, caramel or chocolate. Did I mention they are only 80 calories? And did I mention Dalen loves them?? I have substituted Oreos with these and substituted ritz crackers with cheese with wheat thins and sometimes I will put Nutella on them.

I am also proud to say I have eased salads in my diet (which I have never been a fan of) and I am trying to ease fish into my diet as well! I am not sure how I will EVER conquer that constant desire to feel so full but I am trying. Salads and fish are so lite that it is helping me eat these things as opposed to heavy and greasy food items such as fried chicken. I also, now have a scale in my house and weigh myself once a day to keep tabs on maintaining what I have lost. I really felt like losing the weight would be the hardest but maintaining the loss has definately been hardest. It's the ultimate test to see whether you have done a diet versus a life change.

Has anyone heard of the all natural hCG diet? I heard of it about 2 years ago from a friend whose sisters in law and mother in law lost tons of weight but never tried it. You supposedly take all natural drops of a hormone that helps curb appetite. You consume only 500 calories a day while your body feeds off of fats you already have present in your body and maintain a feeling of fullness because technically your body is eating off of fats. It sounds really intersting if anyone has info on this diet let me know.

I have done an amazing job cooking EVERY night. I am in constant search of new recipes for the crock pot and trying new things. I have to confess every time I make something new I get new recipe anxiety. I stand over the crock pot wondering if it's going to be a success or fail. Luckily of all of the recipes I have tried only one has been horrible. Here has been an amazingly easy and yummy recipe I tried a few weeks ago.

4-5 lb pot roast
1 packet of dry italian dressing
1 packet of dry ranch dressing
1 packet of dry brown gravy
1 cup of water

mix dressings and gravy together in a bowl then pour water in it. place pot roast in crock pot and pour mixture around and on top of roast. let cook for 6-8 hours and add potatoes and carrots if you want. I usually end up adding an additional 1/2 cup of water throughout the day to keep the roast from getting dry.

Happy cooking!