Square 1

Have you ever been there? Square 1? I think it's on the corner of Failure and New Beginnings (which I seem to arrive at so very often). I have experienced a harsh disappointment in my personal life (that I will possibly blog about in the future) that has me right back where I have started from so many times.

Square 1.

It is a somber place I hate to visit but life often takes sharp turns and sometimes we don't get to choose our destination. Square 1 is that place that is constructed of four corners, that are harsh and defined, and four walls that have you feeling constricted and isolated. You are living everyday life and out of nowhere there is that dreaded place, Square 1.

Have you ever driven down a road and seen a building almost completely finished and you shake your head in amazement and think, "Wow! I never knew that was even being built!"? I have done this so many times and it's exactly what happens every time I have to visit Square 1. You are laying the foundation of success and building walls with hard work and out of nowhere BAM! you aren't standing in the masterpiece you had in mind but rather a place that is so dreaded words can't describe it.

Square 1, it's the place you venture out on an endeavor to which you hope to never return. It's the start of a journey that you hope will take you somewhere-anywhere bright and hopeful. You know that if you return to this place it most likely means failure and there you are again, right back where you started from.

On your determined days, you begin to build again and most of the time you have no blue print. This place is a place of uncertainty and lacks direction but you build anyway. This is where I am today. I don't want to be here-in this place of failure and constant wonderment but I am. I am not sure why it seems some supernatural force can telaport me to this place so quickly and it take so long be teleported out but I am definitely here.

My former blog ending talking about how He's still working on me and I have to believe He is. Square 1 may be that painful, refining workshop of His that he uses to take us to places we never thought we would go. I'm not sure but I know I don't like it. I so often jokingly blog that I will write a book about this or that but I am declaring now I will write a book one day called Square 1. It's the only topic I think I can tackle, not because I am some smart person but because my life seems to be drawn to this place over and over again. Its a familiar place, yet different every time I visit.

You would think I would be good at this place but I'm not. You would assume I would know its ins and outs but I don't. You could imagine I'd be used to the feeling of having to return but it still hurts, only worse every time. My worst fear is that every progress my life makes I will be brought back to this place.

Ever been there?