A few things I'd like to say to fear...

I have never really experienced fear. Of course, there are things I have been afraid to attempt but I can never recall sincerely wanting to do something and allowing fear to stop me. I can honestly, with all of my heart, say fear has never been a problem for me. I've never feared people (except occasionally my dad, haha), natural disasters, the future, really nothing. The few times in my life that I have experienced fear I have always conquered it by facing my fears. I'm sure there have been a few times that fear has gotten the best of me but it must not have been anything too significant because I can't recall anything right now.

Since I have gotten older and accumulated more responsibility I now know that fear is something that tries me often. Especially since I have had children there are a few things I fear. Now that I am aware of fear being the root of the problems I have been seeing there are a few things I would like to say to fear.

I know that some of the greatest opportunities in life have been missed because of fear. Fear will rob you blind if you allow it. Recently, I started considering going back for my master's in teaching to teach Psychology and literally I went round and round with every excuse I could find but really it was just fear surfacing. Fear of failing, fear of not being accepted, fear of debt, fear of no one hiring me as a teacher and the list could go on and on! The first thing I'd like to say to fear is that opportunity is mine until I give it to you and that is just not happening anymore. The worst that can happen is that I take advantage of opportunity and I fail. It definitely won't be the first time and I am pretty certain it won't be the last.

I always use the excuse that I am not good at making new friends but really I am afraid to. I don't think but I KNOW I have missed some wonderful people along my journey in life all because of a horribly painful experience with a close friend who betrayed me for a reason I still don't even know. Since that experience I have had no desire to make new friends in fear that if I did I would be hurt again by someone who was so unhappy with their life that they would do anything to me as unhappy as they were by hurting me. I have a million excuses not to make friends...they won't get my sense of humor, I don't want to start over, I hate explaining the past to grow a future with someone-really it's fear. Fear, I will be open to new friendships and I will not allow the fear of someone's past evil intent to rule my future from being shared with others.

Since I have had kids I put every decision under the microscope. I take every decision waaaay too seriously. Of course, you should take big decisions more seriously because your choices not only effect you but will effect your children as well but some small decisions can be made without months of deep thought. I realize that I don't necessarily fear decisions but I fear myself making them because I don't trust myself. Trusting yourself with your own life is one thing but trusting yourself with the lives of two innocent children is another thing. Beyond knowing that I have a hard time trusting myself with decisions I have to know that much more that God trusted me. He trusted me with a sane mind to decide things for myself and trusted me with two children to responsibly decide things on their behalf as well. Fear, I will rest in the trust God has in me.

My theme song in life right now is Celine Dion's (love her!) What do ya say to taking chances? The more chance you take the less fear hinders. You realize that failing isn't so bad but deprivation of opportunity is so much worse! I hate fear. I absolutely hate you, fear. I have allowed fear to control my thought process, rob me of enhancing friendships, destroy great opportunities. What has fear done to you??