Wal-Mart:The ultimate place for learning

It's true. Wal-Mart is the ultimate place for learning. I don't know about you but I do know that I learn more about myself, my community, and products at this often dreaded place. I had to run there today for work and here is what I learned. Now these lessons come from today's visit only so keep in mind how much I have learned in my whole life.

1) A few flurries surely put my small town community in a awfully BIG frenzy! Yikes! Don't ever go down the milk or bread aisle when the weatherman is calling for snow! What ever happened to being prepared??

2) Don't ever make direct eye contact with someone who is coughing or offer a God bless you to someone who sneezes UNLESS you are prepared to hear a 30 minute grype session on how sick they have been this season and if you are that heartfelt sucker who just can't keep walking when your whole entire body begins to tingle-DON'T PANIC-that's just your skin crawling when you realize Wal-Mart is a pool of germs just waiting to take you out. Yes, that song How Could You Be So Heartless was written just for me. I try to care but sometimes (most of the time) I just want to get where I am going and get home.

3) Never assume going to the automotive check-out line or parking lot is quicker than just going through the main entrances ESPECIALLY if poor Paul is working. Bless his heart-and I totally mean that! He takes very deep breaths between every move he makes and appears to be in constant pain. Today he couldn't even reach across the counter to finish scanning my items. I looked at him thinking, "Listen buddy, with the size of my belly I can't reach much either so either you meet me half way or we are going to be having a serious problem!"

4) Always, always sanitize before entering and upon leaving. I am so serious when I say this. I have never heard more people hacking and seen more kids picking boogers than today. UGH! I have learned the cashiers actually seem to appreciate you asking to use some of their sanitizer that they ALL keep handy, unless it's Paul. Well, he doesn't mind as long as he doesn't have to reach for it.

5) If you aren't a woman and ESPECIALLY if you are a single male do not read this one (you will surely never impregnate your wife after reading this). But today I learned Wal-Mart undies (even brand new) just don't hold my sagging tush like a good pair of Victoria's Secret. The fabric is thin and the elastic is weak-take my word for it!

PS-Does anyone know if Wal-Mart takes underwear back? The package is open but I only tried one pair on! They were $7 and trust me, we need every buck we can get!